Here’s a collection of 100 dad jokes for your enjoyment:
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field! - I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised. - How do you organize a space party?
You planet! - What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta! - Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts. - I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down! - Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space. - What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese! - Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired! - How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together! - Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems. - What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory! - Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one! - What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
“Where’s popcorn?” - Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything! - How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience! - I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated. - Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got Mugged! - How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it! - Why did the stadium get hot?
Because all the fans left! - What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear! - I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kat ads.
- Why did the cookie cry?
Because it felt crumby. - What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator! - Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! - What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain! - Why did the math teacher break up with the gym teacher?
Because she found him too acute! - Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
In case he gets a hole in one! - What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! - I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!” - How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut! - Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up! - What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! - Why did the farmer get a divorce?
Because he was outstanding in his field! - How do you organize a fantastic space party?
You planet! - What do you call a fish that practices medicine?
A sturgeon! - What did the little Frenchman say?
“I have a wee problem!” - What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room! - How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints! - Why did the selfie go to school?
It wanted to be a little more developed! - What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneaks! - What’s brown and sticky?
A stick! - Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out! - Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent! - Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed! - I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already! - What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley! - Why did the computer go to therapy?
It had a hard drive! - I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down! - Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose! - What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam! - How do you tell if a vampire is sick?
By how much he is coffin! - I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
- Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice! - I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells! - Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field! - Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems. - What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta! - What did one wall say to the other?
I’ll meet you at the corner! - Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans! - How does a snowman get around?
By riding an “icicle”! - What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh! - Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything! - How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card! - Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks! - What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! - What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra! - How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste! - What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite! - I would tell a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.
- Why did the baker go to jail?
Because he got caught loafing around! - How do you organize a space party?
You planet! - Why did the tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal! - What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music! - Why did the mathematician break up with the statistician?
Because he found her mean! - Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York! - What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale! - I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.
- How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints! - Why did the stadium get hot?
Because all the fans left! - Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired! - What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus! - Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them! - What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog?
Frostbite! - Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels! - What did the fish use to make a phone call?
A shell phone! - How did the barber win the race?
He knew all the shortcuts! - What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese! - Why shouldn’t you fight with a rain cloud?
It will storm out on you! - Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged! - How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall! - What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
The living room! - Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it. - Why did the computer keep freezing?
It left its Windows open! - Why did the belt get arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants! - What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman! - What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
Feel free to use these any time you need a good laugh!
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